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Daily Joke

TameasDust	Date: April 2, 2005 @ 4:30 PM Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in ATLANTA. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." "Yeah, well there's just one thing...," says Jim. Bud asks, "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" asks Jim. "No....." says Bud. "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"
Hatsy	Date: April 2, 2005 @ 5:46 PM
BOWILLIE	Date: April 2, 2005 @ 5:49 PM
Cryxan	Date: April 2, 2005 @ 5:56 PM
leplume	Date: April 3, 2005 @ 1:40 AM Ah, a fizzy wind joke!
GTLive	Date: April 3, 2005 @ 6:58 PM Long live the joke thread, my favorite! ------------------------------ Little Girl In Church: Mommy, why is the bride all dressed up in white? Her Mother: Well honey, white is a very happy color, and because her wedding day is the happiest day of her life, she tells everyone by wearing that beautiful white dress. Little Girl: OK, I understand... Mom, why is the groom all dressed up in black?
Hatsy	Date: April 3, 2005 @ 8:19 PM I always end up in the fizzy wind thread !!
TameasDust	Date: April 5, 2005 @ 6:23 AM A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado. "What's wrong?" a woman asked. "I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said. "What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have beaten you?" "He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes - any handicap he wanted. He said, 'Just give me two gotchas.'" "What's a gotcha?" asked the woman. "That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said, 'You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out 'Gotcha!'" "I can guess what happened," the woman said. "Sure," the pro said. "The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball completely." "Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing. How did he win the game?" The pro answered, "You try swinging at a golf ball all day while waiting for that second 'gotcha!'"
Maffmatix	Date: April 5, 2005 @ 4:55 PM A twisted, drooling ex-priest is dragging an 8 year old girl into the woods. It is late at night. There are wolves howling only a few hundred feet away. The wind is blowing the dead trees surrounding them nearly completely over. The innocent little girl looks up to the psychopathic freak and says- "Sir... I.. I am not so sure about this place... I'm scared." ..to which he replied.. "You think you got it bad, I gotta leave here alone!"
danthelad	Date: May 3, 2005 @ 9:48 AM a little girl stands on the edge of a dead end track which veers over the edge off a cliff crying. a man aproaches and says "why are you crying little girl?" to which she replies "mummy and daddy av fell off the cliff and i think theyre dead and im all alone and im lost and im so scared!" at this point the wheeping girl turns to the man who has his cock in his hand and he replies, "ooh this int your lucky day luv!"
happyhappyhappy	Date: May 18, 2005 @ 4:30 PM I've heard that one before, danthelad. It sends me cold shivers down my spine, but I do think the irony and the understatement is quite funny. What's the difference between Jersey girls and trash? Trash gets picked up.
RobertMcDade	Date: May 18, 2005 @ 8:57 PM LMAO @ these jokes Tell me what you think of this one... "What do you call a dog with no legs?......It doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyway!"
kyodylee	Date: May 18, 2005 @ 11:30 PM A three year old little boy was in the bathtub and he was getting a bath by his Mother. He starts checking himself out and asks his mother, "Mommy, are these my brains?" His mother replies, "Not yet Son, not yet."
Intergalacti...	Date: May 19, 2005 @ 9:17 AM Sorry about this joke if anyones religious Whats the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang a painting
imemine	Date: May 19, 2005 @ 9:36 AM What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and God? God doesn’t think he is a lead guitarist!
undefined22	Date: May 19, 2005 @ 10:22 AM What do you call a guy with a fetish for dead people's necks? A neck-romancer. What do you call a vampire robot? Nosferatu-D2.
Svensta	Date: May 19, 2005 @ 11:55 AM What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.
Maffmatix	Date: June 14, 2005 @ 4:52 PM What's the down side of kidnapping a 4 year old? It takes forever to clean the blood off your clown suit.
SpicoliInc	Date: June 22, 2005 @ 7:17 PM What does a slinky and your pregnant girlfriend have in common??? They both need a kick down the stairs...
happyhappyhappy	Date: June 22, 2005 @ 10:19 PM Oh man, that was so wrong SpoicoliInc. The joke's more for shock value than laughter generation. Not that I mind.
SpicoliInc	Date: June 23, 2005 @ 12:54 AM But of course! I aim to please.
onewhodreams	Date: June 28, 2005 @ 2:31 PM THE WEDDING TEST My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister calls and asks me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
TameasDust	Date: June 28, 2005 @ 10:14 PM A man with MORALS ...WHAT is the world coming to!
spanner90	Date: June 29, 2005 @ 9:14 AM that wedding test one, classic
bender	Date: July 6, 2005 @ 5:09 PM hey im definitly gonna have to remember that one might have to use it some day
happyhappyhappy	Date: August 7, 2005 @ 2:17 AM These jokes don't incite me to roll on the floor laughing. Objectively, however, that wedding test one WAS indeed very clever and suprising.
MCCUBED	Date: August 7, 2005 @ 3:21 AM SO THIS BLONDE HELPED ME WITH MY HOMEWORK....JUST JOKING. YEAH RIGHT, IF IT WAS A HUMAN ANATOMY CLASS.
JayUu	Date: August 16, 2005 @ 2:50 AM Your mumma's so fat she walked in a restaurant the waitor gave her the menu and she said yes
JayUu	Date: August 16, 2005 @ 3:08 AM There was a 2 engined plane flying over the desert, when suddenly one of the engines fucked up and the plane needed to land , lucky enough there plane crashed landed but the driver was safe, he travelled for 2 hours and found a little hotel cabin, he knocked on the door of this hotel and said am sorry , i have no money and my plane has just crashed am stuck in the middle of no where with no cell phone or nothing can i please stay for a few nights, the butler being kind offered him the 1st room on the left, ... That very same day, another 2 engined plane flying over the desert when the exact same thing happened to the engine , he crashed landed about an hour away from the hotel cabin, so the driver walking around for an hour found the hotel and went and knocked on the door .... The butler opened it and he said am really sorry i have no money but my plane has just crashed an hour back and i need a place 2 stay can you please help me, the butler says yes up stairs 1st room on your right .... That very same day, another 2 engined plane flying over the desert when the exact same thing happened to the engine , he crashed landed about 3 hours away away from the hotel cabin, so the driver walking around for 3 hours eventurelly found this hotel cabin and went and knocked on the door .... The butler opened it and he said am really sorry i have no money but my plane has just crashed about 3 hours south of here and i desperately need a place to stay, the butler says no problem i have a free room upstairs 2nd left... That very same day a 2 engine plane travelling over the dessert crashed landed about 40 minutes away form the hotel, the driver got out safe and started wondering around about 40 minutes later he found this hotel , he walked up to the door and knocked... The butler answered and said lets guess you fly a plane which has broke down , With amazment the plane driver says "YES" how did you know this , the butler replies Its a coinsidence any way go upstairs 2nd room on the right you should find a bedroom you can stay there ... That very same night the last plane to fly over the dessert that night was flying over the dessert when one of its engines fucked up , falling with speed the drvier parachutes out of his plane this time instead of waiting for a crash land and ends up 2 minutes away form the hotel , he knocks at the door and say's hello am sorry but i have only got a few dollars and i need a place to stay , the butler reply's another crashed plane hey , the driver looks at him weird and says how did you know my plane has crashed , he reply's saying its a fucking plane i can see it from here , he also says go upstairs there 3rd room on the... .... THE NEXT DAY , the butler walks into the 1st room on the left and says what would you like for breakfast out of cornflakes or frosties, the reply is cornflakes , He walks into the next room on the left and says what would you like for breakfast out of cornflakes or frosties , the reply is frosties , he walks into the last room on the left and says what would you like for breakfast the reply is frosties, the butler changes sides and walks into the 1st room on the right and says what would you like for breakfast out or cornflakes or frosties and the reply is cornflakes, the butler walks into the 2nd room to the left the last room of piolets and repeats the menu for breakfast the reply is frosties.... ... THIS PROOVES 3 OUT OF 5 PEOPLE PREFER FROSTIES TO CORNFLAKES hahah
hollyoake	Date: August 16, 2005 @ 1:58 PM i don't get that one....

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