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How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Alecs	Date: June 19, 2005 @ 12:44 PM How do you get a guitar player to stop playing? Put a piece of sheet music in front of him
hueseph	Date: June 19, 2005 @ 3:20 PM In BC we just say "pffffffft. here". Maybe that's an inside joke. And not that I'm condoning it.
BlackMage	Date: June 19, 2005 @ 4:22 PM Before Christ?!
hueseph	Date: June 20, 2005 @ 2:15 AM Ha! No I'm not that old yet. British Columbia. Y'know the northern source. Hydro country. We're like Columbia S.A. 'cept everything we grow stays green.
EvilPicnic	Date: June 20, 2005 @ 6:45 AM Heard it before. I'm a guitarist who can read, though, so it doesn't bother me. I know better ones about bassists...
Alecs	Date: June 20, 2005 @ 9:33 AM lol well I can read sheet music, cuz I cough played the flute cough for a long time. I just don't know where the notes are on the guitar.
Bhairava	Date: June 20, 2005 @ 10:10 AM Same here. If I was givin a peice of sheet music and told to play I'd fold it into a plectrum and play with it. I'm gonna learn to read for guitar soon though.
imemine	Date: June 20, 2005 @ 10:21 AM Heard it! This works better. Light up a bowl! moking
imemine	Date: June 20, 2005 @ 10:22 AM irked moking. Works every time! Try this.
takamineg240	Date: June 21, 2005 @ 12:21 AM I have the same problem as everyone else. I play piano and read sheet music, but haven't bothered to learn how to play the right notes on guitar.
TameasDust	Date: October 7, 2005 @ 9:40 PM Replace the strings with silly putty ...
pog	Date: October 7, 2005 @ 11:10 PM lol
zedsalt	Date: October 8, 2005 @ 12:06 PM I played trombone in elementary school band for over a year and a half before the first time the teacher put a piece of sheet music in front of me and asked me to play a piece of music I wasn't familiar with. I was "outed" as the musical illiterate that I am.
GeneHilbert	Date: October 8, 2005 @ 12:18 PM What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? Homeless! Why don't drummers play lead guitar? Because they are coordinated and have rhythm!
SimonWaldram	Date: October 8, 2005 @ 2:03 PM Pffftttt, drummers. How do you know when a drummer is at your front door? The knocking gets faster and faster and he doesn't know when to come in.
leflaw	Date: October 8, 2005 @ 2:26 PM Tell him to go get lunch for the rest of the band.
EtherEclectic	Date: October 9, 2005 @ 1:38 PM tell the guitarist to try something besides sweep picking... saddly this is a popular trend lately...guitar players practicing their hearts out at sweep picking but neglecting everything else, once they switch to normal modal leads or rhythm they fold into nothing.
GeneHilbert	Date: October 9, 2005 @ 3:37 PM How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ? Evidently all of them.
GeneHilbert	Date: October 9, 2005 @ 3:44 PM What do you throw a drowning guitarist ? A - His amplifier. Q - What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A - Counterpoint. Q - What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A - Pick on someone your own size! Q - How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up? A - Shine a flashlight in his ear. Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul? A - Depends on how far you throw it. Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners? A - So the rest of the band can understand them. Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage? A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week. Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch? A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes. Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? A - At least 2000: one to change the bulb and 1999 to insist how much better they could've done it!
Alecs	Date: October 9, 2005 @ 4:57 PM gene you're too hilarious
The-Pho-King	Date: October 12, 2005 @ 1:57 PM make him play juicy fruit, then everybody will break the guitar
Alecs	Date: October 12, 2005 @ 10:09 PM unless we have the moocher stoplight!
EtherEclectic	Date: October 13, 2005 @ 2:11 AM Q. how do you get a guitar player to stop playing? A. you take a 357 magnum and stick it in his mouth!
TameasDust	Date: October 13, 2005 @ 2:22 AM nahhhh that just lite his farts ... yah need something heavier like his mother-in-laws chicken soup ....
The-Pho-King	Date: October 20, 2005 @ 2:09 PM No! You need Special K cereal!
IndigoGirl	Date: October 20, 2005 @ 2:24 PM What do you call guys who hang out with musicians? Drummers! What do you do if your kid can only count to four? Buy im a drumkit and call him gifted. How do you know when the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth. How do you get a guitar player off your front porch? Pay for the pizza Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? 1."Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?" 2.Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. 3.Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb). 4.Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. 5.None. They have a machine to do that. A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."
IndigoGirl	Date: October 20, 2005 @ 2:27 PM What do you call guys who hang out with musicians? Drummers! What do you do if your kid can only count to four? Buy im a drumkit and call him gifted. How do you know when the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth. How do you get a guitar player off your front porch? Pay for the pizza Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? 1."Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?" 2.Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. 3.Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb). 4.Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. 5.None. They have a machine to do that. A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."
IndigoGirl	Date: October 20, 2005 @ 2:27 PM Arrgh sorry for the double post!
evansorchid	Date: October 20, 2005 @ 2:45 PM .....his amplifier I haven't heard that one Gene.
Intergalacti...	Date: October 20, 2005 @ 7:28 PM Teach him a real chord
EtherEclectic	Date: October 20, 2005 @ 9:59 PM teach him a real chord? asuming that we all only know and use 5th power chords? or do you mean large piano type chords that would be impossible unless you ahd three arms and hands.
zedsalt	Date: October 21, 2005 @ 12:00 PM I play a lot of "piano type chords" on guitar. Of course, I'm limited to six notes at a time, but the range is similar (open tunings). If I want to know what to CALL the chord, I have to enlist the aid of someone with some knowledge of music theory, but I can't say that I've found more keyboardists than guitarists who can help me.
EtherEclectic	Date: October 21, 2005 @ 12:22 PM i stand by my method to stop the guitar player...tell him to do something besides sweep picking!

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