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Forums > The General Forum: Comedy

Signs Ur A Drunk

LostYears	Date: July 6, 2005 @ 11:39 PM 1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 6. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group. 7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case Coincidence?!?!? 8. Two hands and just one mouth now THAT'S a drinking problem. 9. Every woman you see has an exact twin. 10. You fall off the floor 11. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! 12. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 13. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbours cat more and more attractive 14. I'm not drunk you're just sober!! 15. Roseanne looks good 16. You don't recognise your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass. 17. That dammned pink elephant followed me home again. 18. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store. 19. You've fallen and can't get up. 20. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering This usually describes me pretty well, except for 15... yeah not enough liquor in the store, hell not even in the distillery.
DevilAngel17	Date: July 6, 2005 @ 11:44 PM 1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 13. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbours cat more and more attractive those ones r the best
victorsskull	Date: July 6, 2005 @ 11:44 PM 21. if you just drank a twelve pack then you are drunk
LostYears	Date: July 6, 2005 @ 11:48 PM no an eighteen'll just geet me buzzed, i've had a 1/5 of jack and talked to police officers, the didn't even ask, but... 'that didn't happen'
Maffmatix	Date: July 6, 2005 @ 11:54 PM How about these signs you're a drunk: 1. You beat your wife every night. 2. You drink by yourself all the time and still manage to get furious at everything around you. 3. Your stomach burns because it's being destroyed. 4. You're falling apart. 5. You're broke.
LostYears	Date: July 6, 2005 @ 11:59 PM hey first off i'm a nice drunk, i dont beat anyone... ANYONE. second, my stomach is fine, its my liver thats dead. i was already falling apart, the sugar in the alcohol is sticky enough to keep my arms and legs attached. and i was already broke, u dont think i buy my own booze do u?
Maffmatix	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:17 AM The first sign is denial dude.
Maffmatix	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:17 AM
LostYears	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:23 AM i aint denyin anything, im a drunk. hell i dont remember most of when im drunk, but i know people who r concious when i am not and they always tell me what i missed. the good and the bad
Maffmatix	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:29 AM "i aint denying anything" you just denied something. denier. hahaha
bender	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:32 AM well he most definitly is a nice drunk ive hung out with him alot when hes been drinkin, for the record i dont drink and he is one of the nicest guys i know drunk or sober
Maffmatix	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:33 AM No. He hit me.
bender	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:38 AM it cool it pissed me off hearin people stereo typin drunks
Maffmatix	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 12:54 AM Why did he hit me so hard?
Dizeazed	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 2:10 AM ... Maff...
sinai	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 4:31 AM 22. You have a sign that says "Relax, you're home!" on the cieling above your bed
AbortiveMind	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 6:59 AM I think you could write a manuel about that!!! I found it already brave when people admit that they're a drunk, that's sometimes is a hard thing to do
BlackMage	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 7:14 AM ""i aint denying anything" you just denied something."
TameasDust	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 11:30 AM the really worst is when you win arguments with inanimate objects and they agree with you
imemine	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 11:34 AM Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
zedsalt	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 11:38 AM Sam Kinison (r.i.p.) had a good one: if it has ever made perfect sense to you to sleep while driving, you might have a problem.
bender	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 8:34 PM yea then some have a definite problem
Maffmatix	Date: July 7, 2005 @ 9:06 PM crazy drunks
bender	Date: July 8, 2005 @ 8:39 PM yea crazy but everyones got thier issues
Maffmatix	Date: July 8, 2005 @ 8:52 PM haha
bender	Date: July 10, 2005 @ 4:29 PM yea it does everyone love hearin others drunk stories
chrismacmanus	Date: July 11, 2005 @ 8:19 AM Too many juicy stories, it's gonna get to a point where I run outta juice though
Veracohr	Date: July 11, 2005 @ 9:55 AM You have a bottle opener on your keychain, so as not to ever be without one.
chrismacmanus	Date: July 11, 2005 @ 10:47 AM I just liked that key ring is all!!! Erm, that means yes.
chrismacmanus	Date: July 11, 2005 @ 10:48 AM But some non alcoholoc drinks need bottle openers you know backpeddaling
bender	Date: July 11, 2005 @ 2:46 PM juicy stories yes many those stories are the reason i quit drinkin :biggrin
bender	Date: July 11, 2005 @ 6:40 PM ahhh good i never liked quitin it sucked i had to be sober.
DJ-Puck	Date: July 12, 2005 @ 1:17 AM ahh the signs of being drunk I know each one not so well since I have never hit drunk status... Only the uber depressed sit by my self and smoke cigarettes... and as for way up there about the one guy talkin bout hittin his wife and everything... that aint a sign you are a drunk it is a sign that you as a very anger driven person and the process of alcohol carrying through your body there for magnifys your anger making you feel as though you have to hit someone. Anyways moving off that subject and the guy being a ass...wait did I say that aloud?...eh my bad anyway just thought I would put in my two cents and do with em what you will and...WHAT UP WILL YOU SEXY BITCH... And Bender...I hate you..so very very much...yet love you at the same time... PEACE
Maffmatix	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 8:50 AM I posted this at "DJ-Puck"'s page: Are you an idiot? I drink all th time, I love partying all the time... I was joking about the crazy drunk posts- I thought it would be morbid to make the joke horrid and fucked up... and all these alcoholics got on my case and started freaking out about "I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM"... relax.. I'm a drunk too. Psycho. It's true- I originally posted that to be crazy and just throw the dark sides of a drunk person... nothing actually serious. Obviously there are some people that instantly freaked out like .. I DONT HIT MY WIFE!! I'M NOT CRAZY!! I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!! Well excuse me, let me be the first to say, I apologize for horribly offending the drunks.
KurtCobainJr	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 10:39 AM drunk me....of course i am y else would i b ere
LostYears	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 2:40 PM u know this is a popular subject,'we should get a separate forum made just for drunk stories drunk jokes and communicating to each other while intoxicated,' that might avoid some of the mixups, or maybe i just need another drink to help clear my thoughts
DevilAngel17	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 2:50 PM
bender	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 5:08 PM well you most definitly need another drink....i need to quit thinkin about drinkin so in general we all need to do something....now how we go about getting those we should discuss...any comments
imemine	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 6:26 PM
bender	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 6:33 PM okj ill think ill take you up on that sugestion
DJ-Puck	Date: July 14, 2005 @ 7:31 PM Now see here Maffmatix calling these fine people drunks is very offensive especially to me because I have never been drunk and the people I hang around dun get drunk on a regular basis so think before you speak sir...
kimmylynn	Date: July 17, 2005 @ 7:55 PM lol
zedsalt	Date: July 18, 2005 @ 12:04 PM Just thought of two more: A) If your urine has ever started or intensified a fire, or 2) Your liver has grown larger than your head.
bender	Date: July 18, 2005 @ 2:13 PM well im hoping that my liver never does that id be a fat little shit
Snoogans775	Date: July 19, 2005 @ 2:44 AM I've got one 24)If vomiting is a parrallel of the hiccups in conversation.
LostYears	Date: July 19, 2005 @ 6:28 AM I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
evansorchid	Date: July 19, 2005 @ 7:05 AM 25) You can pop open a longneck with a cigarette lighter.