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Comedy
What My Mom Taught Me
DevilAngel17
Date:
August 28, 2005 @ 10:35 PM
All the things my mother taught me:
My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it
outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the
carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to
cry out."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your
neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is
finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your
room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
-
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward
you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million
times - don't exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take
you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like
you do!"
LostYears
Date:
August 28, 2005 @ 11:14 PM
sounds like my mom
Zapatique
Date:
August 29, 2005 @ 1:31 AM
And mine...
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