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The Tasteless Sick & Perverted Joke Thread

GTOriginal	Date: January 25, 2006 @ 4:54 AM Well, somebody had to start one... ALCOHOLIC FATHER Once Upon A Time, a five year old boy asked his nasty mean drunken asshole of a father for a tricycle. His father took a long swallow from his beer can, looked the child in the eye and asked, "Can your dick reach your ass, kid?" Looking down, the boy answered in a small voice, "no". "Then get the hell outta here!", said the father. A few years later, at the age of nine, he approached his dad and said, "Dad, my friend Tommy got a really neat bicycle for Christmas. Think I could get one too?" The father took a great big guzzle from his bottle of Ripple, looked the boy in the eye and asked, "I dunno son. Can your dick reach your ass?" Once again, the boy answered, "no" and was told to get the hell outta there. The years went by, and as luck would have it, by the time the boy got his driver's license, he was hung like a HORSE, almost as large as the author of this joke in fact. But I digress... He boldly marched into the room where his father was drinking, and loudly stated, "Dad! I need to borrow money to buy a car!! I gotta have it by next Monday!!! What do you say?!?!" His father took a long swallow from his bottle of Jack Daniels, and looked his son sqare in the eye. He once again asked his now famous question, "Can your dick reach your ass, kid??" The young man puffed his chest out and proudly exclaimed, "YES! IT CAN!! And, with a few inches to spare I might add!!! So how about that loan, Dad?" The father took another long swallow from his whiskey bottle, and said, "in that case son.... GO FUCK YOURSELF!!" - The End.
K3VIN	Date: January 25, 2006 @ 10:56 AM lmao
TonyV	Date: January 25, 2006 @ 11:01 AM Sounds like my old man....my all-time favorite line of my dad's was when inquiring as to the status of my virginity. "Well boy, did you get your noodle wet yet?"
Uberherzsterben	Date: January 26, 2006 @ 11:54 AM whats 12 inches long and keeps women screaming for hours? Stillbirth
DeadraveN	Date: January 26, 2006 @ 12:43 PM omfg, uberherz...
desiderata	Date: January 26, 2006 @ 12:58 PM I can't say I'm suprised to see the names loitering in this thread ... You're all sick and perverted! And jokes! Hah.
DeadraveN	Date: January 26, 2006 @ 1:00 PM Desi just showed us her one-eyed monster....
TonyV	Date: January 26, 2006 @ 1:26 PM "She told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt, so I phukked her 3 times and punched her in the mouth!"
LostYears	Date: January 26, 2006 @ 4:00 PM whats worse than ten babies in a dumpster.... one baby in ten dumpsters
K3VIN	Date: January 26, 2006 @ 4:17 PM whats worse then what lost years just said YOUR (insert random dmusic members mom into sentence)
LostYears	Date: January 27, 2006 @ 1:00 AM whats pink and silver and a blur? a baby with a fork in its eye
DigitalEntropy	Date: January 27, 2006 @ 1:50 AM whats the best part about having sex with twentyeight yearolds? there's twenty of them
shadowself	Date: January 27, 2006 @ 9:35 AM That one works so much better when spoken, and with Michael Jackson thrown in there somewhere.
bender	Date: January 28, 2006 @ 12:00 AM oh my freakin god man this thread is freakin weird
BOWILLIE	Date: January 28, 2006 @ 8:06 AM desi..you noticed i didnt comment here...oooops too late.
tossom	Date: January 31, 2006 @ 12:49 PM A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life. When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't."
rockgoth619	Date: January 31, 2006 @ 9:44 PM ya well i made a "perverted club" so now pervs like som of us on DM have a nice safe hom to go to when the day is done
Alecs	Date: January 31, 2006 @ 10:06 PM An old man goes to the doctor reporting problems with the wife in bed. The doctor asks for a sample, gives him a jar and tells him to come back the next day. The next day, the jar is empty. When the doctor asks why, the old man says "Well, doc, I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left hand, then my wife tried, then she took he teeth out and tried, then the young girl from next door tried, but none of us could get that jar open!"
DevilAngel17	Date: January 31, 2006 @ 10:52 PM One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree. The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties." ''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed." The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is...'' Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
downtowndonnie	Date: January 31, 2006 @ 11:30 PM So there's this fly hovering a litte ways above a pond, and this fish under the water sees the fly hovering above the water, and thinks to itself, 'when the fly drops about six inches, I can jump up and grab it.' Well, there's this bear that sees the fish and thinks, 'when that fish jumps for the fly I'll reach out and grab the fish.' Then there's a hunter, who sees the bear and thinks, 'when that fly drops six inches, the fish will jump for the fly, and the bear will reach out to grab the fish, and I'll lean over to shoot the bear.' Well, there's this m ouse that, that sees a piece of cheese in the hunter's pocket, and thinks, 'when the fly drops six inches, the fish will eat it, the bear will grab the fish, and the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and that piece of cheese will fall out of the hunter's pocket.' And finally, theres a cat, who sees the m ouse, and thinks, 'When the fly drops six inches, the fish will eat, the bear grabs the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the piece of cheese will fall and that m ouse will be fair game when he goes to grab it.' So, the fly drops six inches, the fish grabs the fly, the bear grabs the fish, the hunter leans over to shoot the bear and the cheese falls out of his pocket, and the m ouse runs to grab it, and the cat jumps at the m ouse, misses and falls into the pond. Moral of the story is; when the fly drops six inches, the pussy gets wet.
GeneHilbert	Date: January 31, 2006 @ 11:50 PM Beer ~vs~ Pussy A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy. Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton. Advantage: Beer. Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. Advantage: Draw. If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy 24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in. Advantage: Pussy. Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer. Advantage: Pussy. If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still palatable. Advantage: Beer. If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad. Advantage: Beer. 6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: Pussy Buy too much beer and you will get fat. Buy too much pussy and you will get poor. Advantage: Draw It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game. Advantage: Pussy If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five. Advantage: Pussy With beer, bigger is better. Advantage: beer. Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable. Advantage: beer. Pussy can make you see God. Beer can make you see the porcelain God. Advantage: Pussy If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage: Pussy Peeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun. Advantage: Pussy. If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment. Advantage: Draw If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are. Advantage: Beer. If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back. Advantage: beer. The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Pussy. The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Beer. Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Natural Light. Bad pussy: Joan Rivers, Nancy Pelosie, Courtney Love. Advantage: Draw Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Bass Good pussy: Almost all but the above. Advantage: Pussy. The government taxes beer. Advantage: Pussy. It's a close call, but the numbers never lie. Advantage: Pussy.
downtowndonnie	Date: February 1, 2006 @ 12:25 AM haha, thats awesome
tossom	Date: February 1, 2006 @ 11:44 AM A man is sent to prison, he spends his first day there talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell. "I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate. "What is it?" "Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back." The man puts the blanket over his head, and then his cell mate begins to rape him. Savagely...
GTOriginal	Date: February 2, 2006 @ 5:08 AM A drunk was stumbling around in the parking lot of the bar after having too much beer. A cop approaches him and asks what the problem is. "SOMEONE STOLE MY FUCKIN' CAR!", the drunk cried. "Well, where did you last see the car, sir?" asked the cop. "RIGHT ONNA END of this FUCKIN' KEY!", yelled the drunk. The cop administered a breathalyzer test, and it came back with a blood alcohol content of 6.6, well over the legal limit. He arrested the drunk and transported him to the station, where he was brought before the judge. "Well, what have we here?" asked the judge. "YERONNER I LOSS MY FUKKIN' GODDAM CAR! SOMEONE STOLE THE FUCKER!!" yells the drunk, swaying and bobbing. "Sir, where did you leave your car?" asked the judge. "RITE ON THE END OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING GODDAM KEY I TOLD THE FUCKIN' COPP ALREADY! FUCK!!" spews the drunk. "OK, that does it", said the judge, angry now. "I am sending you to lockup until court tomorrow, you can sober up there. Furthermore, when you show up in my courtroom tomorrow I expect you to use proper language, and for God's sake clean yourself up too". "WHAFUCK YOU MEAN?" asked the drunk. "Well, your fly is unzipped, for one thing", noted the judge. The drunk looked down, perplexed. Then, he screamed at the top of his lungs, "HOLY SHIT THEY STOLE MY FUCKIN' WIFE TOO!!!"
idealist	Date: February 2, 2006 @ 4:12 PM lol! A teacher gives three kids a weekend assignment for home work, she gives each of them a matchbox containing a spider and says 'Take these creatures home over the weekend, and record what they do.' They all come back in monday morning with their reports and the teacher asks how they dne. 1st kid ; ' well I took the spider out of the box and told him to go forward, he went forward, told him to go left, he went left. toldhim to go right, he went right. then i put him back in the box.' the teacher remarks how good this went and asks the second kid how he got on... ' well i took him out the box, said go forward, he went back. said go left, he went right. said go back, he went forward. then i put him back in the box.' 'well ok...' says the teacher 'what about you?' to the third kid. 'well i took him out the box and said go up, he went up. i said go down, he went down, and left and right... he did what i said. then i pulled off all his legs and said go up, he didnt. i said go down, he didnt...' the teacher asked exactly what he learned from all this... ' well if you pull all their legs off, they go deaf!'
Extrememan	Date: February 6, 2006 @ 6:12 PM that spider joke is awesome
Extrememan	Date: February 6, 2006 @ 6:15 PM that spider joke is awesome
TegidC	Date: February 7, 2006 @ 4:55 PM A little kid goes up to him mom and says, "Hey mom, I saw nan getting out the bath earlier, what's that prawn inbetween her legs?" Mother - "That's probably her vigina, but it looks nothing like a prawn?!" Kid, "Yer I know, but it sure tastes like one."
tossom	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 7:42 AM A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, whose drinking problem is destroying his family...
shadowself	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 8:17 AM tossom! A GERMAN JOKE! I love those! Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
GeneHilbert	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 12:02 PM "According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37% of the men said they would never want to get into an argument with those men."
downtowndonnie	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 12:16 PM So a baby seal walks into a club...
TegidC	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 12:28 PM A young couple are out for their first date, a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge." She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... you never said you were a man! ?" "No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a sh1t instead."
Wildy1	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 12:40 PM OMG
TameasDust	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 12:42 PM OMG
shadowself	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 1:42 PM hahaha jebus!
downtowndonnie	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 7:07 PM lol
tossom	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 8:59 PM A man walks into a bar... He drinks 6 beers, 4 shots of whisky and then hits on the waitress unsuccessfully. He takes his wedding ring off and trys again but fails. Now deeply depresssed he drinks 3 more shots, then drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life. Sorry, I promise thats my last German joke!
FebruaryBattles	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:01 PM ouch
Extrememan	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:03 PM wicked survey joke
shadowself	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:03 PM But not my last German joke. Q: Why do undertakers wear ties? A: Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
shadowself	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:04 PM Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says, "Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house." The other man replies, "Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit."
PrincessTast...	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:05 PM Heard this one at camp waaaaaaaaaay back when: Why do gorillas have big fingers? Because they have big buttholes
PrincessTast...	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:06 PM pretty stupid,huh
FebruaryBattles	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:24 PM lmao
shadowself	Date: February 8, 2006 @ 9:25 PM I think it's better this way: Why do gorillas have big buttholes? Because they have big fingers.
advil	Date: February 9, 2006 @ 12:37 AM Why are Anal Sex and Liver so alike? When they're forced on you as a child, you tend to hate them as an adult.
TegidC	Date: February 9, 2006 @ 6:15 AM LOL, good mix around shadow.
TameasDust	Date: February 9, 2006 @ 6:52 AM LoneCowboys - Brokeback hifi LoneCowboys - Brokeback lofi
tossom	Date: February 9, 2006 @ 12:00 PM A man has been trapped on a desert island for about 8 years when one day he sees a boat on the horizon - he quickly lights a fire to let it know he is there. The boat comes towards the shore and on board there is a beautiful woman in a body hugging wetsuit. "Thank God", he says, "I've been trapped on this island for eight years. Thank god someone has come at last." "Eight years?" she says, "so its eight yerars since you last smoked a cuban cigar?" She unzips a pocket on her wetsuit and pulls out a cigar. She passes it to him, pulls out a zippo, and lights it for him. The man enjoys the first cigar he has had in eight years. "So is it also eight years since you had a drink?" She unzips a pocket on her wetsuit and pulls out a hip flask, tossing it to him. He takes a swig, and it's 25 year old single malt whisky. It's smooth, mellow and utterly delicious. "So," she says, beginning to unzip the zipper on the front of her costume, "Is it eight years since you played around?" "Oh no," he says, "This is all a dream, isn't it? A beautiful woman with whisky and cigars, wanting to have sex with me? I must be dreaming." Suddenly he is woken up by a flash of lightning; it's the middle of the night and he is all alone in his primitive shelter on his desert island. So alone, so terribly terribly alone...
FebruaryBattles	Date: February 9, 2006 @ 12:06 PM lmao
AdNauseam	Date: February 10, 2006 @ 2:48 PM
shadowself	Date: February 10, 2006 @ 2:58 PM tossom, that is fantastic. I have never seen the Germanizing of an existing joke like that before - that's art!
tossom	Date: February 10, 2006 @ 8:56 PM You have my friend Liam to thank for them, he sends me e-mails full of awful jokes quite frequently! Whats the similarity between a blonde and a washing machine? They both leak when they're f*cked.
tossom	Date: February 13, 2006 @ 2:52 PM The local railway station master was having a beer at the pub with his mates; "I had an incredible experience last night," he said. "I saw something lying on the line, so I went to investigate and I found a woman who had tied herself to the tracks. I untied her and took her back to my place, poured a couple of drinks, put on some soft music and had the wildest night of sex I've ever had." "Was she good loooking?" asked a mate. "Dunno" he says, "I couldn't find her head."
AdNauseam	Date: February 13, 2006 @ 3:49 PM :0
tossom	Date: February 13, 2006 @ 4:07 PM The local railway station master was having a beer at the pub with his mates; "I had an incredible experience last night," he said. "I saw something lying on the line, so I went to investigate and I found a woman who had tied herself to the tracks. I untied her and took her back to my place, poured a couple of drinks, put on some soft music and had the wildest night of sex I've ever had." "Was she good loooking?" asked a mate. "Dunno" he says, "I couldn't find her head."
tossom	Date: February 13, 2006 @ 4:08 PM Hmm, weird - dont remember posting it twice...
FebruaryBattles	Date: February 13, 2006 @ 4:11 PM jacob siegal is good at singing
ESMissMurder	Date: February 22, 2006 @ 1:47 PM not random at all
AdNauseam	Date: February 22, 2006 @ 4:09 PM @FB: That's a good one!!!!
K3VIN	Date: February 22, 2006 @ 4:11 PM iit was tasteless sick & perverted
AdNauseam	Date: February 22, 2006 @ 5:44 PM
justinother1	Date: February 22, 2006 @ 10:44 PM a boy came home from school one day and said to his mom,"guess what happened to me in school today. i had sex with my teacher!" his mom became very upset and screamed,"go to your room! we'll tell your father what you did when he gets home." when his father came home,the boy told him. "way to go,son,"the father replied. "let's go buy you a new bicycle." when they came out of the shop with a brand-new bike,the father asked,"do you want to ride it home?" "no," the boy replied. "my butt still hurts."
PrincessTast...	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 12:26 AM
wailingmiserere	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 6:15 AM ...
wailingmiserere	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 6:22 AM (...I'm going straight to hell for laughing at that...)
AdNauseam	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 3:18 PM yup
DeadraveN	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 10:12 PM I love this thread...
FebruaryBattles	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 10:18 PM omg!
hantu	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 10:20 PM Lol hah!
EchoMinor	Date: February 23, 2006 @ 11:15 PM here's a sick joke: AJ really does know the olsens
PrincessTast...	Date: February 24, 2006 @ 11:34 AM Not funny FourCals.
K3VIN	Date: February 24, 2006 @ 2:03 PM thats a run off of mine
EchoMinor	Date: February 24, 2006 @ 2:35 PM well hell, he's the latest annoyance topic amongst dmusic, sorta felt it was worthy!
tossom	Date: February 24, 2006 @ 8:03 PM What do you get when you're gay? Made fun of.
AdNauseam	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 10:12 AM
GeneHilbert	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 12:07 PM How can you tell if your father has been fucking your sister in the ass..........? His dick taste like shit........
FebruaryBattles	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 12:09 PM eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
EchoMinor	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 12:22 PM i need a very cold shower
SimonWaldram	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 7:25 PM Q. Why did the pervert cross the road? A. His dick was stuck in a chicken
aflunky	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 9:36 PM A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mama!" "Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, Mama," wept the daughter. "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset....Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
aflunky	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 9:38 PM A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband", she replies. "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having the baby on my own." After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black." "Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black." "Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?" "Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes." "Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice." At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank God for that!" "What do you mean?!" says the midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."
aflunky	Date: February 25, 2006 @ 9:41 PM ah shit, you got me goin now...
TameasDust	Date: February 26, 2006 @ 1:12 AM
AJRedux	Date: February 28, 2006 @ 8:57 AM :bounce: :bounce:
AbortiveMind	Date: February 28, 2006 @ 9:32 AM We're dooomed !!! Do I need to sAJ more ?
GeneHilbert	Date: March 12, 2006 @ 1:53 AM Rejected titles for Brokeback Mountain PRANCES WITH WOLVES JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON BUTCH ASSIDY AND THE BUNDANCE Kid THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE Kid LONESOME DOUG DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN MCCABE AND MR. MILLER HI, PLAINS DRIFTER! THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES QUICKLY DOWN UNDER BAREBACK MOUNTING BONE-NANZA DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS HOME ON THE RANGER OKLAHOMO ROOSTER COCKBURN LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE BALONEY PONY RODEO TUBESTEAK COWBOYS SILVER-ROD-Ohhh!!!
CJWeaver	Date: March 12, 2006 @ 2:54 AM How many babies does it take to paint a garage? Depends on how hard you throw them. How many babies can you fit in a trashcan? 22 and a half. Whats worse than a baby in a trashcan lid? A trashcan lid in a baby. Whats worse than 7 baby in trashcan? 1 baby in seven trashcans. Whats funner than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off. Whats funner than spinning a baby around a clothesline? Stopping it with a shovel. How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor. How do you get a baby in a jar? Blender. How do you get it out? Tostidos. What happens when you put a baby in a blender? Ill tell you in a minute. Whats red and pink and gets smaller every minute? A baby combing its hair with a potato peeler. Whats green and black and smells? Same baby, 2 weeks later. What does the blind, deaf, dumb, quadrapalegic baby get for christmas? Cancer. Why did the baby fall off the swing? Because it had no arms or legs. Whats the difference between a baby and a cadillac? I dont have a cadillac in my garage. Whats the difference between a baby and gold? My driveway isnt paved with gold. Why did the toddler drop his lollipop? He was hit by a truck. Whats worse than giving a baby pot? Smoking the baby. Whats worse than that? MAking a bong out of it. Why did the baby cross the road? It was chained to my bumper. How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off its head. or 2scoops ice ceam, 1 scoop baby. Why dont people burn babies for energy? Good question, I dont know. Whats the difference between a baby and a table? You cant fuck a table. How many babies does it take to get a bottle of baby oil? Depends on how hard you sqeeze them. What do you get when you cut a baby in half? An erection. Now to change the mood some. Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen! Why cant woman ski? Theres no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen. Why cant women drive? Because there are no roads between the bedroom and kitchen. What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Slap her and tell her to quit slackin. What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? nuthin, you already told her twice. How do you fix a womans watch? You dont, there is a clock on the oven. How many men does it take to open a beer? None, it should be opened by the time she gives it to you. Why couldnt helen keller drive? Because she was a woman. Why did helen kellers dog run away? You would to if your name was aawwwwaaaagghhheeeaaghh. Thats all from memory!
wailingmiserere	Date: March 12, 2006 @ 11:35 AM Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He got the gas bill...
DeadraveN	Date: March 12, 2006 @ 3:57 PM :rofl omg cj... that was great...
TruonGLe	Date: March 12, 2006 @ 5:48 PM cj thats messed uppp! but hellllllla funnyt none the less. Why did helen kellers dog run away? You would to if your name was aawwwwaaaagghhheeeaaghh. AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAAH ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 XD!!!!!!!!!!111
GTOriginal	Date: March 13, 2006 @ 9:30 PM ...and you may say to yourself, "My GOD! What have I done?!?!"
CJWeaver	Date: March 13, 2006 @ 9:34 PM takes bow
tossom	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 7:56 PM A man walks into a doctors office... After several more visits and some scans the doctor tells him, "You need an operation". The man, feeling worried, says , "I want a second opinion". The doctor says*, "Okay, my colleague, Dr. Saknussem, would be happy to provide you with the appropriate consultation. Here's his address, and I'll have my receptionist call him and schedule an appointment. Please try to see him soon, though. At the moment, I'm concerned about the size and location of this tumor, and I really think we should move quickly if we're going to get our best results."
tossom	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 7:58 PM One for wailingmiserererereeree... What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.
shadowself	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 7:59 PM tossom, you have the same sense of humour as I.
tossom	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 8:01 PM Backwards and plain wrong?
shadowself	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 9:06 PM You bet!
wailingmiserere	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 9:10 PM
wailingmiserere	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 9:28 PM http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/jokes.html Man: What a beautiful dog. Does he bite? Dog-owner: No. Man: Can I pet him? Dog-owner: No, he has a form of eczema that makes him skin weep if touched.
tossom	Date: March 16, 2006 @ 10:12 AM What's the difference between a post box and a vagina? A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals
CubedDrummer	Date: March 16, 2006 @ 6:01 PM Q when is a vampires favorite time to do his wife A when she's on her period

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