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The Tasteless Sick & Perverted Joke Thread

wailingmiserere	Date: March 15, 2006 @ 9:28 PM http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/jokes.html Man: What a beautiful dog. Does he bite? Dog-owner: No. Man: Can I pet him? Dog-owner: No, he has a form of eczema that makes him skin weep if touched.
tossom	Date: March 16, 2006 @ 10:12 AM What's the difference between a post box and a vagina? A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals
CubedDrummer	Date: March 16, 2006 @ 6:01 PM Q when is a vampires favorite time to do his wife A when she's on her period
tossom	Date: March 16, 2006 @ 9:40 PM I can compete in terms of "shitness"... A chicken begins crossing the street, but is hit by several fast moving metal boxes with wheels.
wailingmiserere	Date: March 17, 2006 @ 10:08 AM
mudshadow	Date: March 17, 2006 @ 10:14 AM ok, i gotta say somethin i guess... Q. how do u stop your dog from humping your leg? A. pick him up and suck his dick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tooles	Date: March 17, 2006 @ 1:37 PM You and your pooch must be very close.
GeneHilbert	Date: March 17, 2006 @ 1:57 PM My buddy, my buddy........
DeadraveN	Date: March 18, 2006 @ 1:12 PM bill's comment is even funnier when you imagine it in the voice of that puupet in his avatar... ha ha ha
mudshadow	Date: March 19, 2006 @ 11:28 AM glad someone got it
CubedDrummer	Date: March 19, 2006 @ 7:41 PM ant other shitty jokes
trafficcone	Date: March 25, 2006 @ 8:41 PM very funny...............it's great keep'em coming
SFbrat	Date: March 26, 2006 @ 4:47 AM Q: What do ya call a mushroom with a 10 inch stem? A: A fungi to play with.
Cryxan	Date: March 26, 2006 @ 10:44 PM What do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Fucked.
BOWILLIE	Date: March 28, 2006 @ 12:52 PM how does micheal jacksons babysitter know when its time to go home? when the big hand touches the little hand.
PrincessTast...	Date: March 29, 2006 @ 8:19 PM All of a sudden this is a hot topic.
GTOriginal	Date: March 29, 2006 @ 9:10 PM What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One's made out of plastic, white, and dangerous for babies to play with. The other is to carry groceries in. Can't believe MJ didn't make an appearance in this thread way before Bow's post lol.
K3VIN	Date: March 29, 2006 @ 9:25 PM After Michael Jackson Was Cleared Of All Charges, he was unavailable for to comment, at a sleepover?
PrincessTast...	Date: March 29, 2006 @ 9:28 PM After Michael Jackson was cleared of all charges, he recieved the following phone call from Saddam Hussein: "Hey Michael! Where can I get me one of those idiot judges?"
K3VIN	Date: March 29, 2006 @ 9:28 PM lmao
GeneHilbert	Date: March 29, 2006 @ 10:42 PM What do you call a Flordia gynecologist? A spreader of old wives' tails...
jimbobber1985	Date: March 30, 2006 @ 6:44 AM hahah tossom gave me tha giggles!
jimbobber1985	Date: March 30, 2006 @ 6:55 AM After leading a less than perfect life, bob finds himself in hell. Upon meeting the devil himself, bob is told "It's really not that bad here you know." "really?" replies bob "Yeh, really" the devil retorts "For instance, this tuesday we're having a poker tournament. You like poker don't you?" "Well sure" bob mutters "Great! and on wednesday we're gonna get absolutely paraletically drunk. You like drinking don't you?" "You bet!" bob yells "Fantastic!" replies the devil "You like smoking pot don't you?" "yeah" says bob "I'm the worlds biggest stoner!" "Well on thursdays we smoke spliff after spliff, all day long." says the devil. "Wow, i think i'm really gonna like it here!" bob shrieks excitedly. "Of course you are." replies the devil "By the way, you are gay aren't you?" "No." says bob worriedly. The devil looks at him and laughs "you're gonna hate fridays...."
K3VIN	Date: March 30, 2006 @ 10:10 AM
Mojosnake	Date: April 10, 2006 @ 2:45 AM wow theres some pretty distrubing trash round here ,but i got one so bad i cant even tell it.......
LostYears	Date: April 10, 2006 @ 9:54 AM there are some sick people on this site...... god i love this place
HillariousGu...	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 4:13 AM im a sick person
tossom	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 6:14 PM How many dead babies can you fit in a blender? The police report I have here indicates three.
SimonWaldram	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 6:18 PM Q. What do you call a man with only one leg? A. Chris. His name is Chris, not the man with only one leg, show some fucking respect.
HillariousGu...	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 7:20 PM a drunk guy goes to the bathroom. inside the "you know what" he sees shit all over and a 50 dollar bill. "damn, only 50 bucks? fuck it" he said. he spends a moment to think about it. 2 seconds pass, so he takes his wallet out, takes a 50 dollar bill and trows it in the diarrhea hole. "hellz ya, for 100 bucks i'll do it. he said. he sticks his hand in the shit hole and takes his rewarding 100 bucks with a smile on his pimple face.
HillariousGu...	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 7:27 PM there once was a woman so ugly, but so fkin ugly that when she decided to send her picture all over the internet, the anti-virus detected her.
HillariousGu...	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 7:35 PM there were once three friends. one was called Dumb, the other Nobody, and the third No-one. Dumb goes and tells the cop."nobody fell in the hole and no-one is helping him. then the cop responds."are you dumb?" "yes, nice to meet you"
HillariousGu...	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 11:35 PM there is a priest runnin because he is being followed by a lion, and suddenly the priest stops, kneels and says,"father, I ask you to make this lion a christian." the lion kneels and says,"bless this food that i will consume"
HillariousGu...	Date: April 17, 2006 @ 11:49 PM two students enter a classroom and the teacher tells one of them." why are you late?" "well,i was dreaming that i was in an airplane flying everywhere,and i got to know so many countries, but i woke up late." the teacher then asks the other kid. "and you?" "i had to pick him up from the airport"
HillariousGu...	Date: April 18, 2006 @ 12:02 AM there once was a guy so fkin selfish that when he was dreaming he was drinking a cup of hot chocolate, he woke up so he wouldnt have to pay for it.
HillariousGu...	Date: April 18, 2006 @ 12:05 AM there once was a boy who was such a fkin fan of video games, that when he died, the words "game over were written in his tomb.
GTOriginal	Date: April 18, 2006 @ 1:46 AM I'm reading this thread over with a tear in my eye, like a proud Papa... (That's a tear in my eye, as in a droplet of moisture produced from an emotional response, not a tear as in a laceration produced by a sharp object, just to clarify...)
GeneHilbert	Date: April 18, 2006 @ 2:01 AM LOL
tossom	Date: April 18, 2006 @ 3:35 PM So, well this bloke dies and he goes up to Heaven and when he's at the pearly gates he... oh wait, nevermind, he just rots in the ground.
Israfel	Date: April 18, 2006 @ 11:55 PM What's black and white and red all over? A nun with a spear through her head.
HillariousGu...	Date: April 21, 2006 @ 7:34 AM A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
HillariousGu...	Date: April 21, 2006 @ 9:32 AM Toothbrush- "sumtimes i feel that i have the worst job in the world!" toilet paper- "ya....right"
GTOriginal	Date: April 29, 2006 @ 4:00 PM Q. What do you call four Mexicans drowned in quicksand? A. Quattro Sinko.
TruonGLe	Date: April 29, 2006 @ 7:28 PM AHAHHAH!!!!!!
tossom	Date: May 1, 2006 @ 10:43 AM An old man went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?" The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one into 4 pieces." The doctor said, "Erm, that won't do you any good." The old man said, "That's alright, I don't need them for sex - I'm almost 90 and my wife is dead. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my shoes."
RocShaman	Date: May 2, 2006 @ 6:26 AM A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself." He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead m ouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."
GTOriginal	Date: May 2, 2006 @ 4:32 PM Uughh. Q. What did Nicole Simpson say to Ron Goldman one hour before they were both murdered??? A. You can eat me, but The Juice'll kill ya!
GTOriginal	Date: May 2, 2006 @ 4:46 PM An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle. BAM!! The beaver drops dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver." "Exactly"
shadowself	Date: May 2, 2006 @ 11:33 PM Did you hear about the call girl that had to get her appendix out? The doctor sewed up the wrong hole and now she's making money on the side.
HillariousGu...	Date: May 4, 2006 @ 12:22 AM A COMMON AMERICAN CHAT hi [23:34] how is every1? [23:35] i like cookies [23:35] do u like cookies [23:35] cookies are good for ur thingy [23:35] it gets it up fast [23:36] i like to be a good boy [23:36] do u like to be a good boy? [23:36] im sure we all like to be good boys [23:36] or girls [23:37] because u know there are males and females [23:37] D: [23:37] they r different [23:37] Poor guy [23:37] HEllo. [23:37] but they r not the same [23:37] hey waz up [23:37] where is every1? [23:38] anyways back to wat i was sayin [23:38] males have a thingy, girls have to bolloons [23:39] when cobining a male and a female , u get babies [23:39] i think i spelled combining wrong but i guess its ok [23:39] i mean i have spelled a lo of words wrong [23:40] so yea [23:40] u r funny [23:40] like a bunny [23:40] but thats weird [23:40] cuz most bunnies are not funny [23:41] i know im not funny [23:41] What the hell? xD [23:41] where does the word funny come? [23:41] from [23:41] idk, i wish i knew [23:41] there are both evil and good in this world [23:42] evil is when something u do is wrong and its bad [23:42] good is just a word with 2 o's [23:42] and i guess good is fine [23:42] bu who cares right? [23:42] cuz idk i do good and bad [23:42] Right! [23:43] but dont we all [23:43] so yea [23:43] virgins is a weird word to [23:43] * jax has joined #kh2 [23:43] * Mikenno has joined #kh2 [23:43] virgins is a weird word to [23:43] was mary a virging [23:44] idk, where does that word come from [23:44] i wonder where all th words come from [23:44] * KHU837 has joined #kh2 [23:44] hold up [23:44] why are you talking to yourself [23:44] but we are speaking so who cares right [23:44] * KHU837 is now known as Pissed [23:44] ? [23:44] i like it when im pissed sumtmes [23:44] This guy is fucking insane. XD [23:45] I vote him the next president. [23:45] and also when i piss litterally [23:45] its a big relieve [23:45] me too [23:45] but i think its too small [23:45] so idk [23:45] are you talking to your imaginary online friend? [23:45] i mean some have bigger than mine bigger than what? [23:46] but big is different than small [23:46] u know when sumtin is big or small [23:46] i mean i know [23:46] i think so [23:47] i think big is something huge [23:47] and small is something tiny [23:47] yea thats the word [23:47] tiny [23:47] I just think you're crazy [23:47] i wish mne was huge, but who cares u know [23:47] hes a few french fries short of a happy meal [23:47] there are crazy and insane people [23:48] like you [23:48] Yeah I agree [23:48] crazy people is different than insane [23:48] cuz insane is spelled differently than crazy [23:48] but your crazy and insane [23:48] Yeah insane is when u totally lose it [23:48] so how is that possible? [23:48] so it is different [23:48] not you He's back again [23:49] when a person cuts the word in half u get [23:49] diff-erent [23:49] thats very interesting [23:49] is like cutting intereting in half [23:49] and u get interes-ting [23:49] your mom is interesting [23:49] moms are interesting [23:50] but my mom is interesante [23:50] interes-ting [23:50] interesante is a spanish word [23:50] i know [23:50] i think [23:50] it is [23:50] u think 2 much [23:50] xD [23:50] if u cut interesante in half u get [23:50] Pissed, it's funny though. [23:50] intere-sante [23:51] but idk [23:51] you know what that means? [23:51] I couldn't fit the whole thing when people shit is also a relieve [23:51] but i dont think so [23:51] i guess thats the way i am [23:51] i usually pray after a shit [23:52] it doesnt make me religious tho [23:52] if you put sofa and king together, you get sofaking [23:52] im not to religious [23:52] your sofaking stupid [23:52] yea i agree [23:52] and crazy [23:52] I agree with jax [23:52] awesome [23:52] awes-ome is cut in half , sweetness [23:53] so yea.. [23:53] no offense though [23:53] you have to be nice to these people pissed [23:53] you know why [23:53] yea [23:54] one day, they'll flip out [23:54] and go nuts with a shot gun [23:54] alright i'll take your advice [23:54] thanks [23:54] have fun talking to yourself [23:55] i have a shotgun, im my brain, i can picture it [23:55] but im not bad [23:55] cuz im good [23:55] do you have a house in your brain? [23:56] sumtimes [23:56] a house with a bird [23:56] or a hamster [23:56] hamster [23:56] do you have clouds and rainbows [23:56] yea [23:56] cool [23:56] nice [23:56] cool [23:56] i dont get it, u break the word cool and u get co-ol i dont get it, u break the word cool and u get co-ol [23:57] thats sick [23:57] the english lang. is just sick [23:57] it just doesn't make since sometimes [23:58] i hear ya [23:58] like the word laugh [23:58] later [23:59] bye jax [23:59] bye [23:59] bye jac [23:59] jax
tossom	Date: August 11, 2009 @ 3:09 PM Now where else would I make my return after 3 years?... After a hard days work, I like nothing better than to get home and have a nice relaxing half hour in the tub. She hates me calling her that.
tsand20175	Date: August 11, 2009 @ 5:42 PM From the Joan Rivers comedy roast: "Joan, your vagina is so old it has a separate entrance for Blacks and Whites."
GTOriginal	Date: August 11, 2009 @ 5:56 PM Yep, only in a bizzare twist of fate, the white dudes have to go around back, out of pure logistics hehe...
mudshadow	Date: August 11, 2009 @ 10:22 PM Q: What's the difference between a virgin and a toilet? A: A toilet doesn't follow you around for years after you use it.
GTOriginal	Date: August 12, 2009 @ 7:11 AM Bravo! Q. What did the gerbils say when Richard Gere walked into the pet store??? A. WOOF! WOOF! MEOW! MEOW!
tossom	Date: August 4, 2011 @ 3:56 PM This needs reawakened... Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
tossom	Date: August 4, 2011 @ 3:56 PM This needs reawakened... Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
SimonWaldram	Date: August 6, 2011 @ 1:47 PM Why did the pervert cross the road? His penis was stuck in the chicken. (...the hospital was on the other side of the road. He felt he had little choice but to go there despite the obvious humiliation that awaited him).

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