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Drinkers Fault Finding Guide

LostYears	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 1:51 PM Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution : Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect. Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale and clear. Fault : Glass is empty. Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom : Room is spinning. Fault : Somebody is spinning your barstool. Solution : Vomit on person doing the spinning. Symptom : Feet cold and wet. Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle. Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling. Symptom : Feet warm and wet. Fault : Loss of self-control. Solution : Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training. Symptom : Lap cool and wet. Fault : Drooling on yourself. Solution : Change position so that you are drooling on someone else. Symptom : Bar blurred. Fault : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom : Bar moving. Fault : You are being carried out. Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked. Sympton : Bar looks like a circus. Fault : You're at a circus. Solution : Go to a bar. Symptom : The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it. Fault : You have fallen over backwards. Solution : If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar. Symptom : Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends. Fault : You have fallen over forwards. Solution : Same as for falling over backwards. Symptom : You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling. Fault : You have spent the night in the gutter. Solution : Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in. Symptom : Everything has gone dim. Fault : The pub is closing. Solution : PANIC!!
celtaidd	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 2:44 PM
ShadowMom	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 2:53 PM Thanks for the tips
DevilAngel17	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 3:22 PM Hehe, Good one.
Fraser	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 3:43 PM Awesome I'll have to remember those...
K3VIN	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 3:52 PM whathas aF?ASf
DeadraveN	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 7:11 PM mind if I print this out for later use?
rockgoth619	Date: June 19, 2006 @ 9:19 PM thats great...i think i needed some of those tips...
Snoogans775	Date: June 20, 2006 @ 7:19 PM that fucker spinning to the barstool needs to get the hell out of my cubicle!

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