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Forums > The General Forum: Comedy

How to be Politically Correct

Israfel	Date: July 27, 2006 @ 11:33 AM HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "babe" or a "chick" - she is a "breasted American" 2. She is not a "screamer" or a "moaner" - She is "vocally appreciative". 3. She is not "easy" - she is "horizontally accessible". 4. She is not a "dumb blonde" - she is a "light-headed detour off the information superhighway". 5. She has not "been around" - she is a "previously-enjoyed companion". 6. She is not an "airhead" - she is "reality impaired". 7. She does not get "drunk" or "tipsy" - She gets "chemically inconvenienced". 8. She does not have "breast implants" - she is "medically enhanced". 9. She does not "nag" you - she becomes "verbally repetitive". 10. She is not a "tramp" - she is "sexually extroverted". 11. She does not have "major league hooters" - she is "pectorally superior". 12. She is not a "two-bit hooker" - she is a "low cost provider". HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a "beer gut" - he has developed a "liquid grain storage facility". 2. He is not a "bad dancer" - He is "overly Caucasian". 3. He does not "get lost all the time" - he "investigates alternative destinations". 4. He is not "balding" - he is in "follicle regression". 5. He is not a "cradle robber" - he prefers "generational differential relationships". 6. He does not get "falling down drunk" - He becomes "accidentally horizontal". 7. He does not "act like a total ass" - He develops a case of "rectal-cranial inversion". 8. He is not a "male chauvinist pig" - He has "swine empathy". 9. He is not "afraid of commitment" - he is "relationship challenged". 10. He is not "horny" - He is "sexually focused". 11. THat is not his "crack" you see hanging out of his pants - it is his "rear cleavage".
ShadowMom	Date: July 27, 2006 @ 11:52 AM Not to be verbally repetitive, and I'm not currently chemically inconvenienced, but anyone who refers to me as a breasted American or light-headed detour off the information superhighway is going to find himself purposefully horizontal! A new dictionary for DMusic begins now...
Israfel	Date: July 27, 2006 @ 12:28 PM "purposefully horizontal" Is that like "involuntarily bruised"?
GeneHilbert	Date: July 27, 2006 @ 12:41 PM "Vertically challenged"
Fraser	Date: July 27, 2006 @ 6:14 PM Hell yah purposefully horizontal.
TameasDust	Date: July 27, 2006 @ 8:43 PM
imemine	Date: July 27, 2006 @ 9:00 PM Breasted Americans keep me sexually focused! I know--I have swine empathy!
K3VIN	Date: July 28, 2006 @ 2:10 AM overly caucasion
CowgirlBebop	Date: July 28, 2006 @ 12:35 PM hahahaha low cost provider.
evansorchid	Date: July 29, 2006 @ 10:29 AM *Rectal-cranial inversion* I finally have a name for my condition.