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36 rules for bands to go by

billhudson	Date: November 22, 2003 @ 2:02 PM Guess I’ll just never accept some of these rules, but here they are as received so check them out for yourself.... 36 Rules for Bands 1. Never start a trio with a married couple. 2. Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her. 3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary. 4. No one cares who you've opened for. 5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important". 6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up. 7. When you talk on stage, you are never funny. 8. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music ("Oh does 'Rage Against The Machine' also do rap-rock with political lyrics?") 9. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. 10. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the Austin Music Network. 11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention "artistic freedom" and "guaranteed 3 record deal". 12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go. 13. Never name a song after your band. 14. Never name your band after a song. 15. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY. 16. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser. 17. Scary word pairings :"rock opera", "white rapper", "blues jam", "swing band", and "open mike". 18. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both. 19. Listen: Either you break it to your parents or we will; it's Rock-n-Roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows. 20. It's not a "showcase". It's a gig that doesn't pay. 21. No one cares that you have a web site. 22. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet. 23. Don't hire a publicist. 24. Playing in San Marcos & Alpine doesn't mean you're on tour. 25. Don't join a cover band that plays Rush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band. 26. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs? 27. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/ boyfriends are for. 28. If you use a smoke machine, your music sucks. 29. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas. 30. Remember that if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16-year-olds play them? 31. If you ever take a bad publicity photo, destroy it. Otherwise you may never know where it will turn up. 32. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head. 33. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow. 34. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat. 35. Rock oxymorons; "major label interest", "demo deal", "blues genius", "$500 guarantee", and "Fastball's second hit". 36. Three things that are never coming back: gongs, headbands, and playing slide guitar with a beer bottle. Get over it.
GeneHilbert	Date: November 22, 2003 @ 3:59 PM Bill...... You got that shit nailed........ I totally agree......... well..... except the hat thing....
Veracohr	Date: November 22, 2003 @ 6:59 PM My favorite band Floater got their start at a Battle of the Bands. 26. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs? This was obviously not written by a guitarist. 28. If you use a smoke machine, your music sucks. What the one has to do with the other, I don't know." id="70300">The ones I don't agree with: 16. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser. My favorite band Floater got their start at a Battle of the Bands. 26. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs? This was obviously not written by a guitarist. 28. If you use a smoke machine, your music sucks. What the one has to do with the other, I don't know.
invocati	Date: November 22, 2003 @ 9:32 PM Whatever
woodhead	Date: November 22, 2003 @ 10:54 PM 26. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between song This is not true at all does a strat sound like a paul? no dif pickup configs, one has single coil, one has double cpoil pickups. the wood is also a sound factor in electric guitars, as well as the pick ups them selfs, acitve or passive? and brands also semore duncans or dimarzio, A lot of factors make electric guitars dif. but This is a cool thread you started will be checkin back for sure.
fireball87	Date: November 22, 2003 @ 11:35 PM 26... also it hasn't been mentioned, but a hollow body guitar sounds a whole lot different then a solid body guitar, and bolted necks can sound different then necks that can not be adjusted... 17... open mikes holy crap... is that some sort of surgical concert or somthing... that is a scary word paring... (sorry... just had to throw that one in... for no reason...)
Gudnason	Date: November 22, 2003 @ 11:39 PM " id="70320">americans...
fireball87	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 12:18 AM um... whats that even mean... it dosn't seem to be in the right topic... or have any point whatso ever... it almost makes me think you have a problem with americans... or charlie brown... two questions though... what the hell is charlie brown doing in lime green... its pretty much yelow or bust... and what the hell is that thing on his nose...
Cryxan	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 12:21 AM It's a .
GeneHilbert	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 2:25 AM I like this......... Let's try a little test....... Here are two cover tunes I did for a club demo - no big deal & nothing special. You tell me what type of electric guitar I'm playing. I'll even make this easy - just tell me solid, semi hollow or hollow. Or really strut your stuff & tell me make, pickups, and amp? http://files.dmusic.com/.111e8c8dee22f573d3aec6c622082910/music/g/e/genehilbert/So_What_-_Miles_Davis_Cover-128.mp3 http://files.dmusic.com/.edb5dfa400d2aa258cebfde638e7039f/music/g/e/genehilbert/Breezin_-_George_Benson_Cover-128.mp3 We'll hope these links work... but if not... the tunes are on my page. So...... let's see ...... You Got Game.....?
Dizeazed	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 3:50 AM "White rapper" isn't a bad word pairing!
ChillinBuzz	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 10:30 AM
ebarbarella	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 11:09 AM
victorsskull	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 11:18 AM the rules were right on the nuts
ChillinBuzz	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 11:21 AM i cant possibly comment on that pic other than... where can i eat this?
djfacemachine	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 12:08 PM hold the onions please
sween	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 2:08 PM I dont like tits covered in bread and stuff... but I like tits hehe
ChillinBuzz	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 3:28 PM awwww Sween, have you no sense of adventure? weird.... doesn't somebody usually make a fuss of this kind of stuff?
ChillinBuzz	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 3:40 PM " id="70422">and i dont ever remember Charlie Brown so fat!
billhudson	Date: November 23, 2003 @ 4:31 PM Well ok, folks, as always its not a set bunch of rules but after all theses years some things do ringa ebll. As to the hat thing Gene, well as for me I love'em. Still Pickin' B.H.
GeneHilbert	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 12:34 PM Wow...... dmusic censors yanked the tit sandwich.....
Jennae	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 12:50 PM thank god!~
Jennae	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 12:51 PM who's the a$$sshole that put it there
Jennae	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 12:51 PM yeah that was a good idea NOT!
dasuspectz2002	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 1:24 PM WEST CRACCIN HIP HOP HEADS. ITS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING BUT SUSPECTZ RECORDS IS OFFICIALY RELEASING BOSS HOGG "Guilty Til Proven Innocent". THE CD CONSIST OF 7 TRACCS FEATURING "CUTTHROAT", "CRISTYLE", "SHORTY MAC" & BUFFALO NY'S NINA McCRAY & THE 6TH MAN. THE CD IS NOW AVALIBLE AT http://www.cdbaby.com/bosshogg AND WILL BE IN STORES DEC.. OUR RELEASE PARTY WILL BE HELD AT CLUB ODYSSEY IN BUFFALO NY ON DEC 13TH.
GeneHilbert	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 5:08 PM Hey......... every sub needs torpedoes.
ChillinBuzz	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 6:08 PM those could've sunk a battleship Gene
Gudnason	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 6:19 PM " id="70707">heeey... who you calling an asshole, asshole???
Jennae	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 8:28 PM I think I made my point
Jennae	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 8:30 PM but oh yes you are impressing us all with your pictures here have a gold star
Jennae	Date: November 24, 2003 @ 8:32 PM your taste in the previously POSTED picture was rude and inappropriate and therefore REMOVED... but go ahead keep it up... our admin have nothing better to do than to babysit your lack of respect for others. Don't expect what you can't deliever.
billhudson	Date: November 25, 2003 @ 4:12 PM Dear Folks, I think I miss something? Have been away but looks like we got off the subject. Still Pickin' B.H.
rhodesdr	Date: December 2, 2003 @ 3:57 PM Bill, Cant talk -- tounge too deeply stuck in cheek. -C.S. PS -- You obviously received this from an Austinite!

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