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My first song.. ( no name)...plz comment..

SlashJr	Date: August 6, 2005 @ 10:29 PM hey...this is my first song i ever wrote.i know a few lines arent too good..its about a boy whos dad commits suicide because he tried to give everything the boy wanted..but the boy took everything for granted...and he was never happy.. he didnt realize how much he loved his dad until he didnt have him anymore...well here it is...it doesnt have chorus, nor title...so if u guys have an idea..jus comment with an idea..but plz comment anyway..thanks. remember..its my first song. (no name) I sit back and wonder why, god took him from us all, I ****ed up my entire life, yet he took the fall, People tell me its ok, its over and its done, my heart senses little life,but my brain feels none, ( Chorus ) He tried his best, to make things right, But i didnt care 'til now, He took his life because of me, i guess life will suck with or without,(him) Why did he have to go? Leave me filled with pain? I feel like a boy locked outside standing in the rain,(as if he was forgotten) ( Chorus ) I sit back and wonder how, he affected my past, he changed my life forever more, but his life ended to fast, I thank that man,for giving,me, all i didnt have, I jus wish i couldve been a better son, for my one and only Dad. ( Chorus x2 )
IvoryKeys	Date: August 7, 2005 @ 6:41 AM Well theres no doubt powerful emotion in that.For me those are the poems/songs I enjoy the most.I have no comment on the structure cause Im not a song writer.However that was a decent peice and agian good emotion. P.S return feed is always appreciated.
Intergalacti...	Date: August 7, 2005 @ 10:06 AM Hmm has it got music? I would like to hear you playin on this